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The premise is good and I would like to read more. I feel things are being rushed a bit, go a little slow. In my opinion the third chapter should be the first to hook the readers. The chapters also require editing for language.
Wonderful start, I wish to read further. The author has painted the right picture in the first three chapters. How the mystery unfolds remains to be seen.
Thank you :)
I am curious to know what happens, but the narration has to be worked on. The start is rushed-up with too much prose and information. I am unable to connect with the protagonist. The plot execution doesn't invoke any empathy for the main character.
Thanks for taking some time out to read and giving feedback!
Premise is very good. I like the story idea and am curious to know what happen next. Execution of the story need to be worked on. Intro at the beginning and timeline at the end of the 2nd chapter is not required, readers are intelligent :-) let them workout the story. The thoughts and dialogues are disjointed and do not seem real, the action vs reaction of various characters need to be gauged and conveyed appropriately. Descriptions on various hindi words need not be explained then and there, it breaks the immersion. E.g. Dhruva says 'I was a chitrakar...' then the word is explained. Instead the explanation can be worded in the dialogue. 'I was a chitrakar and have painted numerous pictures of royal family members...' Remember you know the story but readers do not, so information has to be presented in a coherent manner.
Very well written self-help book. I particularly liked the simple way of presenting things and reference from our culture and mythology. Key would be to see what is there in the coming chapters and whether there is enough to hold the reader's attention. All the best, keep writing.
The writing in present tense always seem very tricky, but the author has done a commendable job of handling the flashback and current times. Full marks to language and narration. I want to have more of show rather than tell. E.g a sentence says 'Jolly seems to be thrilled...' instead we need to show the thrill, 'Jolly high-fived with Shipra...'
Thanks for the encouraging feedback Ruchi. I am also thankful for the feedback on 'show and tell' which I am going to incorporate in my works.
Premise is very interesting, but the execution needs some work. I was not emotionally invested in the devastation done by the bombs, or danger posed by Viper. What was the devastation? People who didn't sit in the closed car, what happened to them? Try to give information on execution of crime and investigation as part of thought process or dialogues. E.g. When the detectives are talking to each other, the investigation process is very well covered in Chapter two, so no need to give the information at the beginning.